If you live in Honduras, or a Latino neighborhood in Los Angeles, you probably live within earshot of chickens. More specifically, roosters. A rooster crowing is something I will never get used to. That sound has to be on a list with anything Janice Litman and Gilbert Gottfried say, nails screeching across a chalkboard and Sh*t Girlfriends Say coming out of your girlfriend's mouth. It wouldn't be so bad if they were only boisterous at the crack of dawn, as is portrayed in cartoons. In reality, they can and will make noise at any time of day. Not the best background noise to have blaring through your window during skype meetings, or pillow talk. I'm assuming the latter, I wouldn't know anything about that these days.
Not really related, but check out this video of the hot chicks next door.
Showing posts with label you know you live in the ghetto when.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label you know you live in the ghetto when.... Show all posts
Friday, February 3, 2012
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Movie Review - A Million to Juan (1994)
Characters
Paul Rodriguez - Juan Lopez
Tony Plana - Jorge
Bert Rosario - Alvaro
Polly Draper - Olivia Smith
Jonathan Hernandez - Alejandro Lopez
Edward James Olmos - The Angel (as himself?)
Cheech Marin - Shell Shock
Ruben Blades - The Bartender
Paul Rodriguez - Juan Lopez
Tony Plana - Jorge
Bert Rosario - Alvaro
Polly Draper - Olivia Smith
Jonathan Hernandez - Alejandro Lopez
Edward James Olmos - The Angel (as himself?)
Cheech Marin - Shell Shock
Ruben Blades - The Bartender
Jurassic Park was my first movie theater experience, A Million to Juan was the second. Why start my movie review column (lol) with the second instead of the 1st? I'm glad you asked. This film ranks pretty high in my top 10. I recall being really excited about seeing A Million to Juan, mostly because I expected to understand the dialogue as it unfolded in front of my eyes. I can't pin point why, but my English improved dramatically between Jurassic Park and A Million to Juan. Jurassic Park was an amazing experience, but I didn't know what the heck they were talking about, even with the Spanish subtitles! Yeah, there were Spanish subtitles. It was a ghetto ass theater.
Google maps image - street viewWe watched A Million to Juan at the campus theater, located on Vermont Ave. - at the Santa Monica Blvd intersection, across from the metro rail station. This is the theater that all the Latino families packed into with Subway sandwiches and soda bottles stashed into someone's purse, backpack or jacket sleeve. I've even taken a burrito from Mariela's (click here for restaurant review). If you've been there, you know what I'm talking about! Seconds into the movie previews, you hear sandwiches being unwrapped, bags of chips rustling, and the gas being released from the 2 liter bottles. Shortly after that, the dark theater is illuminated as the side door is opened to sneak people in. Again, you know what I'm talking about... The floors were stickier than those at adult theaters... I imagine... Despite all of that, I love this theater. It was air conditioned, cheap, and served as a haven when I wanted to run away for a few hours, or a day. This was THE THEATER for Latino families!
A Million to Juan is an adaptation of Mark Twain's "The Million Pound Bank Note," and 50's film titled the same; although released as "The Man With a Million," in the United States. The film is set in Los Angeles during the early 90's. Juan is portrayed by the legendary Latino comedian, Paul Rodriguez. Juan, like Henry in Twain's piece of literature, "Had nothing to depend on but his wits and clean reputation." He is confident that these traits would prove to be plenty in achieving eventual success.
"I was alone in the world, and had nothing to depend on but my wits and good reputation; but these were setting my feet in the road to eventual fortune, and I was content with that prospect." Henry in The Million Pound Bank Note by Mark Twain
During the journey to success, Juan has to make ends meet by taking up odd jobs; shoe shiner, parking attendant, roach coach cook, panaderia baker, raspado vendor, dishwasher, tire shop man?, elote salesman, cook , construction worker, and street side orange vendor. His son Alejandro, quotes him as often saying funny things like, "I've never met an odd job that didn't like me" and "If variety is the spice of life, I'm over-seasoned!"
Juan and his son live with Tio Jorge, a carpenter and Tio Alvaro, a gardener. Both of the uncles are novela (Spanish Soap Operas) fanatics. I'm not a fanatic, but if you're latino, you know you've seen at least one novela in your life! Don't be ashamed, it's ok. I've seen Marimar, Dos Mujeres un Camino and a few others I can't remember now. Alejandro's mother died three years before the film began, she's out of the picture.
Juan is discouraged by a streak of bad luck with his streetside orange sales, relationship, and uninhabitable apartment. Adding insult to injury, Shell Shock (Cheech Marin), takes over his spot on the sidewalk with a "war vet" begging gimmick. Shell Shock's presence takes away from his already measly sales. Juan's integrity shines as he questions Shell Shock about his morals. Later that day, a white limo pulls up and arm dressed in all white stretches out of the window to hand Juan an envelope. He pays no mind to it and stuffs it in his pocket. Despite all of the terrible luck Juan continues to plug away with the orange sales until his shopping cart is empty. On his way home he's approached by the neighborhood hustler and proudly announces that he "Made some Feria!!!" I know that very feeling. I remember announcing to myself "Rent is paid!" and then preparing to eat cereal and mac and cheese until my next pay check. lol...
Juan finally realizes that the envelope that was handed to him contains a check for $1,000,000 to his name and a letter stating that he is the unexpected participant in an experiment.
The film winds to a feel good ending that is more cohesive than Twain's, in my opinion. Check it out!
This film deserves a 5 of 5 Baleada score despite the poor sound and lighting. It's not that type of critique (obviously since it is rated on a Baleada scale), it is a "5 Baleada film" because of the overall message of adherence to integrity and perseverance despite all of life's little hurdles. This film is special to me for many reasons; it led me to research and read Twain at an early age, it reinforced my personal beliefs, and it opened my eyes to what it means to be an "immigrant" in the US. The day I saw this film, I knew I had to get on the grind!
A Million to Juan is an adaptation of Mark Twain's "The Million Pound Bank Note," and 50's film titled the same; although released as "The Man With a Million," in the United States. The film is set in Los Angeles during the early 90's. Juan is portrayed by the legendary Latino comedian, Paul Rodriguez. Juan, like Henry in Twain's piece of literature, "Had nothing to depend on but his wits and clean reputation." He is confident that these traits would prove to be plenty in achieving eventual success.
"I was alone in the world, and had nothing to depend on but my wits and good reputation; but these were setting my feet in the road to eventual fortune, and I was content with that prospect." Henry in The Million Pound Bank Note by Mark Twain
During the journey to success, Juan has to make ends meet by taking up odd jobs; shoe shiner, parking attendant, roach coach cook, panaderia baker, raspado vendor, dishwasher, tire shop man?, elote salesman, cook , construction worker, and street side orange vendor. His son Alejandro, quotes him as often saying funny things like, "I've never met an odd job that didn't like me" and "If variety is the spice of life, I'm over-seasoned!"
Juan and his son live with Tio Jorge, a carpenter and Tio Alvaro, a gardener. Both of the uncles are novela (Spanish Soap Operas) fanatics. I'm not a fanatic, but if you're latino, you know you've seen at least one novela in your life! Don't be ashamed, it's ok. I've seen Marimar, Dos Mujeres un Camino and a few others I can't remember now. Alejandro's mother died three years before the film began, she's out of the picture.
Juan is discouraged by a streak of bad luck with his streetside orange sales, relationship, and uninhabitable apartment. Adding insult to injury, Shell Shock (Cheech Marin), takes over his spot on the sidewalk with a "war vet" begging gimmick. Shell Shock's presence takes away from his already measly sales. Juan's integrity shines as he questions Shell Shock about his morals. Later that day, a white limo pulls up and arm dressed in all white stretches out of the window to hand Juan an envelope. He pays no mind to it and stuffs it in his pocket. Despite all of the terrible luck Juan continues to plug away with the orange sales until his shopping cart is empty. On his way home he's approached by the neighborhood hustler and proudly announces that he "Made some Feria!!!" I know that very feeling. I remember announcing to myself "Rent is paid!" and then preparing to eat cereal and mac and cheese until my next pay check. lol...
Juan finally realizes that the envelope that was handed to him contains a check for $1,000,000 to his name and a letter stating that he is the unexpected participant in an experiment.
The film winds to a feel good ending that is more cohesive than Twain's, in my opinion. Check it out!
This film deserves a 5 of 5 Baleada score despite the poor sound and lighting. It's not that type of critique (obviously since it is rated on a Baleada scale), it is a "5 Baleada film" because of the overall message of adherence to integrity and perseverance despite all of life's little hurdles. This film is special to me for many reasons; it led me to research and read Twain at an early age, it reinforced my personal beliefs, and it opened my eyes to what it means to be an "immigrant" in the US. The day I saw this film, I knew I had to get on the grind!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Best Raspados in Los Angeles
This is the BEST, I mean ABSOLUTELY THE BEST, raspado vendor in Los Angeles. My favorite flavors, Tamarindo and Nance, are served with pulp and even the seeds. Handmade Tamarindo syrup and pulp over ice shavings, there is no better way to overcome the L.A. summer heat.
Back in the day, I used to take him the fast food souvenir cups; the ones they give away when super duper sizing your combo, to fill for $1!!! I know he hated that, but he filled it anyway.
This is the google maps print screen of 2nd / Mariposa. It's very fitting that he's on Google, because that's the spot he's posted up at most often. The google maps image is pretty darn close to the view out of the window in my mom's apartment. I think I was his best customer for a few years. Him posting up there definitely helped that cause.
Selling a raspado to a Virgil Middle School student, obvious by the grey and maroon uniform... Thank goodness for me going to Emerson MS instead, that's and ugly combination!
Needless to say, this post also receives the "You know you live in the ghetto when..."
Back in the day, I used to take him the fast food souvenir cups; the ones they give away when super duper sizing your combo, to fill for $1!!! I know he hated that, but he filled it anyway.
This is the google maps print screen of 2nd / Mariposa. It's very fitting that he's on Google, because that's the spot he's posted up at most often. The google maps image is pretty darn close to the view out of the window in my mom's apartment. I think I was his best customer for a few years. Him posting up there definitely helped that cause.
Selling a raspado to a Virgil Middle School student, obvious by the grey and maroon uniform... Thank goodness for me going to Emerson MS instead, that's and ugly combination!
Needless to say, this post also receives the "You know you live in the ghetto when..."
Friday, February 19, 2010
A Day in the Life of a Honduran - Selling Ice Cream
Although this is labeled as "A Day in the Life of a Honduran", I can't claim to have done this for an entire day. It only lasted for a few minutes, but I did sell ice cream. To my little brother, but a sale is a sale. |
| From Teguz |
This will also be labeled, "You know you live in the ghetto when," Ice cream trucks compete against ice cream carts, cool points awarded to the cart vendors that have welded a bicycle to their carts...
 |
| From Teguz |
Hurry up and pick kid, I'm losing sales here...
 |
| From Teguz |
Monday, December 21, 2009
You know you live in the ghetto when...
The bathroom at your favorite restaurant looks like this...
WATCH THE REVIEW HERE - This guy has poor taste in food though
WATCH THE REVIEW HERE - This guy has poor taste in food though
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
You know you live in the ghetto when... - Los Angeles edition
Ice Cream trucks play Hip Hop
Your neighborhood is highlighted in red on the map at Domino's and Pizza Hut.
You can't wear a certain color.
Fliers advertising "TEEN JOBS - MAKE UP TO $50" are posted on every block.
Every block has a vending machine that dispenses a gallon of water for twenty five cents (quarter water)
You can make regular appearances on the news by running out to places nearby where they are reporting from live.
Someone comes around selling "raspados", identified by the ringing bells.
You have an abandoned building on your block.
Someone comes around and yells "Eloooooooooooooooteeeeeeeeeeeeeeees" or "Taaaaaaaaaammmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaleeeeeeeees".
A produce truck comes around and honks like you're in a third world country.
Stop signs have bullet holes on them
Stop signs read Cant STOP _______ enter name of local gang here
(I used to call the gangsters that hung out on my street the Mariposa St. gang)
You have two or more $1 Chinese food places within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more doughnut shops within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more 99 cent stores within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more pawn shops within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more laundromats within a 10 minute walk.
You can't walk 5 blocks without crossing a liquor store.
You hear police sirens at least once a week.
You hear police helicopters at least one a week.
People walk around with tattooed tears.
The local landmarks commemorate acts of violence. "That's were the Korean business owners pulled out AK's and oozies to defend their businesses during the riots." "That's where Robert Kennedy was assassinated.", "That's were the cops killed the crack head"
You know people by names like Spooky, Shorty, Snoopy, Tiny, (note to gangsters: If your name ends with a "Y", you probably need to change your name to something more intimidating.
Apartment buildings show a trace of bullets left behind by a drive by
You have a "neighborhood crackhead bum"
The "neighborhood crackhead bum" is always trying to sell you a car stereo that looks like it was just ripped out of a car
Shoes dangle from electrical wires.
Everyone greets each other by raising their chin.
Raising your chin can also be confused with an insult.
Your neighborhood is highlighted in red on the map at Domino's and Pizza Hut.
You can't wear a certain color.
Fliers advertising "TEEN JOBS - MAKE UP TO $50" are posted on every block.
Every block has a vending machine that dispenses a gallon of water for twenty five cents (quarter water)
You can make regular appearances on the news by running out to places nearby where they are reporting from live.
Someone comes around selling "raspados", identified by the ringing bells.
You have an abandoned building on your block.
Someone comes around and yells "Eloooooooooooooooteeeeeeeeeeeeeeees" or "Taaaaaaaaaammmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaleeeeeeeees".
A produce truck comes around and honks like you're in a third world country.
Stop signs have bullet holes on them
Stop signs read Cant STOP _______ enter name of local gang here
(I used to call the gangsters that hung out on my street the Mariposa St. gang)You have two or more $1 Chinese food places within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more doughnut shops within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more 99 cent stores within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more pawn shops within a 10 minute walk.
You have two or more laundromats within a 10 minute walk.
You can't walk 5 blocks without crossing a liquor store.
You hear police sirens at least once a week.
You hear police helicopters at least one a week.
People walk around with tattooed tears.
The local landmarks commemorate acts of violence. "That's were the Korean business owners pulled out AK's and oozies to defend their businesses during the riots." "That's where Robert Kennedy was assassinated.", "That's were the cops killed the crack head"
You know people by names like Spooky, Shorty, Snoopy, Tiny, (note to gangsters: If your name ends with a "Y", you probably need to change your name to something more intimidating.
Apartment buildings show a trace of bullets left behind by a drive by
You have a "neighborhood crackhead bum"
The "neighborhood crackhead bum" is always trying to sell you a car stereo that looks like it was just ripped out of a car
Shoes dangle from electrical wires.
Everyone greets each other by raising their chin.
Raising your chin can also be confused with an insult.
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